Following months of intense work under mounting pressure, an eerie stillness settled over my life. The article had been submitted. The thesis had been submitted. After spending so long managing one disaster after another, trying to keep an increasingly unstable structure from collapsing around me, there was suddenly very little left to do.
Now came the waiting. It would still take over a month before the reviews returned and I would have to address any final comments, corrections, or suggestions. But until then, for the first time in what felt like forever, I could finally relax. Or at least attempt to.
After the Storm
With only a few weeks of autumn remaining, Taylor and I returned to the Saguenay Fjord National Park for one final late-season hike. I must admit, few things compare to the vibrant forests of Canadian autumn. Vast hills and mountains disappeared beneath a sea of yellow, scattered with patches of deep red and lingering green. Beneath the clear blue sky, the Saguenay River cut through the landscape like a winding ribbon.
The trip became part of a slow readjustment back toward normal life. A life where I was no longer constantly on edge, managing crisis after crisis while trying to hold together a life that increasingly felt like it was coming apart. I had to relearn how to disconnect. How to exist without immediately anticipating the next catastrophe. Though some part of me still expected another disaster to emerge at any moment.
The following month of November was not entirely uneventful either. Our small research group was scheduled to attend the first conference held in person since the beginning of the Covid crisis. Well… partially in person. It was technically a hybrid conference, and remote participation was still strongly encouraged.
But honestly, we simply wanted to escape Chicoutimi for a while. We wanted to see other places again. Other people. Signs that the wider world still existed beyond lockdowns, laboratories, and endless administrative nightmares.
Glimpses of a Different Life
The GAC-MAC conference was being held in London. London, Ontario. Not the capital of the United Kingdom. North American city names and their complete lack of originality… am I right?
Getting there required an entire day of driving, but nothing our two experienced and enthusiastic drivers, Taylor and Alexandre, could not handle. Two major things from that journey stayed with me vividly. The first was Montreal. The second was Highway 401 near Toronto.
Despite having lived in Quebec for over two years by that point, I still had never properly visited Montreal. I had only briefly passed through its airport during my arrivals back in 2019. Alexandre had visited before and spoke highly of it, despite not being particularly fond of large cities himself. Compared to Chicoutimi, however, Montreal represented something entirely different. Movement. Opportunity. Life.
Even just passing through the northern parts of the city left a surprisingly strong impression on me. And this wasn’t even the glamorous side of Montreal. Yet it was enough. The dense residential neighborhoods, the characteristic duplexes of the old French quarters, the busy streets, the sheer feeling of urban energy… all of it immediately resonated with me. After years spent in what increasingly felt like an isolated academic outpost, the city felt alive in a way I had almost forgotten was possible.
For the first time in a long while, I could clearly envision a future beyond Saguenay. All I needed to do now was graduate and secure a flexible job that would allow me to move there.
After Montreal came Toronto. Or more specifically, the legendary Highway 401. The city itself barely registered in my memory compared to the sheer insanity of that highway system. Endless lanes. Interwoven overpasses and underpasses. Traffic moving at speeds that felt borderline absurd. The only apparent rule of the 401 was momentum. It looked terrifying.
This was one place I never wanted to drive myself. Taylor, of course, loved it. She had grown up driving everywhere and handled the chaos with complete confidence. I, meanwhile, had always considered myself far more of a proud pedestrian than an enthusiastic driver. But Canada is vast, and my legs alone were never going to carry me very far across it.
Eventually, after a very long day on the road, we finally passed through Toronto and arrived in London.
A Breath of Normalcy
London itself seemed like a fairly modest mid-sized city. Clearly larger and livelier than Chicoutimi, though nothing particularly spectacular. The university campus, however, impressed me immediately. Especially the old stone tower building rising above the grounds. It gave the place a strangely classical atmosphere, like a miniature version of Cambridge or something along those lines.
We had several days to spend there attending the usual conference activities. Presentations, networking, poster sessions, and awkward academic small talk. In my case, I presented a poster based on the research work that had consumed most of the previous year of my life. Oddly enough, it felt good. Rewarding even.
After so much isolation, uncertainty, and endless work, simply being surrounded by other people again felt refreshing. Conversations flowed naturally across the conference floor as students and researchers drifted between presentations. And since this was Ontario, everything suddenly became much simpler for me linguistically as well. No constant anxiety over French. Just smooth communication.
It was a breath of fresh air. Well… a masked breath of fresh air. But still. You get the idea.
The London Evenings
Once conference hours ended, I insisted we actually go out and do things rather than retreat straight back to the hotel each evening. Partly because I genuinely wanted to enjoy the trip, but also because I was trying to reclaim some semblance of normal life after the psychological trench warfare of the previous months.
The first evening, we settled on bowling. Reaching the venue required a surprisingly long walk across the city, but it was worth it. A couple of drinks, some terrible bowling technique, and several rounds of friendly competition turned out to be exactly the kind of normal social interaction I had been missing for far too long.
The following evening, I convinced Alexandre to come watch Dune, which was still playing in cinemas at the time. The theater was almost completely empty. Naturally, Alexandre and I immediately claimed the best seats directly in the center of the room while the few other visitors scattered themselves far apart across the giant theater. The reclining VIP seats were absurdly comfortable. It honestly felt like we had rented out a private cinema for ourselves. The movie itself was excellent too.
A Worthwhile Detour
Once the conference concluded, the original plan was to drive straight back to Chicoutimi. But we also wanted to take advantage of the rare opportunity to do some sightseeing. And what better destination than one of Canada’s most famous landmarks? Niagara Falls was relatively close after all. Just a “small detour” on the drive back toward Quebec.
We left early in the morning and headed directly toward the falls. Fortunately, the weather could not have been better. Sunny, warm, and clear despite it already being November. After spending so much time in northern Quebec, I think I had genuinely forgotten what a normal temperate autumn was supposed to feel like.
The town of Niagara Falls itself felt hilariously North American for lack of a better description. The entire place seemed built around tourism, entertainment, and consumerism. Bright attractions, themed restaurants, oversized signs, casinos, souvenir shops — a miniature Las Vegas wrapped around one of the world’s great natural wonders. Many places were closed for the off-season, but the atmosphere remained unmistakable.
Niagara Falls
Then we finally reached the river valley itself. A massive bridge stretched across the gorge toward the United States. I could practically smell the freedom blowing in from the south.
Parking near the falls, however, was an entirely different battle. After circling around for a while, we finally managed to secure a spot with an aggressively strict timer attached to it. Taylor warned us that parking enforcement here apparently operated with military precision and that our truck would probably be towed into another dimension if we overstayed by even a few minutes.
Eventually, though, we reached the falls themselves. And honestly… they really were magnificent.
Standing there overlooking that immense wall of roaring water, it became difficult not to reflect on how absurd the previous months had been. Barely weeks earlier, I had been trapped inside a psychological pressure cooker, unable to think beyond the next deadline, the next administrative obstacle, the next potential disaster.
And now? Now I was standing at Niagara Falls with friends and colleagues beneath clear autumn skies, feeling hopeful about the future again. The entire London trip had started to feel less like a conference and more like a strangely well-earned vacation. A reward at the very end of survival.
Finally, it was time to return home. Home. Or at least the temporary home that Chicoutimi still remained for a little while longer.
Running on Fumes
Sometime in early December, I finally received my thesis back from review. It was time for the last round of revisions. There was just one problem. I was mentally finished. Completely disconnected from the entire process.
The intense months leading up to submission had drained whatever reserves of motivation I still possessed, and the quieter weeks afterward had extinguished the rest. The comments themselves were not disastrous. Numerous, yes, but manageable. Still, the moment I opened the document and saw another avalanche of red text and corrections splattered across the pages, I felt physically nauseous.
I simply could not stand looking at that thesis anymore. Unfortunately, I had no choice. The corrections still needed to be completed before the winter break so the final version could be resubmitted on time. So once again, I dragged myself back into revision mode.
Some of the funniest comments involved criticisms of the French language itself. I honestly had no idea whether the French in the document was good, bad, or somewhere in between. I had translated large portions using software before handing them off to Lucie for corrections and improvements. So from my perspective, the reviewer was essentially criticizing my French supervisor’s French.
I found this hilarious.
One More Lockdown
Despite my lack of enthusiasm, I eventually slogged my way through the revisions and reached a satisfactory final version. What fascinated me in hindsight was how much more difficult this comparatively minor workload felt psychologically than the brutal months preceding it. Earlier in the year, I had survived near-impossible pressure through sheer momentum. Now that momentum was gone. I had simply run out of steam.
After a final round of frustrating back-and-forth exchanges with the reviewer, the revised thesis was finally accepted. At that point, everything remaining was purely administrative. Technically speaking, I had graduated.
The entire process, however, had resurfaced enough lingering frustration that I instinctively decided to head over to the gym afterward to burn it out physically one last time. Except this time, the gym doors were locked. Another apology notice had been taped to the entrance announcing renewed lockdown restrictions. I just stood there cursing to myself. When was this shit ever going to end?
What Else Indeed…
Around that same time, Lucie invited all of us from her research group over to her place in Jonquière for Christmas dinner. Our colleague Nesrine had recently obtained both her Canadian driver’s license and her first car, so she offered to drive Alexandre and me there for the evening. Since she was still fairly inexperienced behind the wheel, Alexandre sat in the front seat to help navigate while I sat in the back.
I had prepared my staple Greek moussaka to bring along for dinner, though emotionally I was in an absolutely miserable mood. The renewed lockdown had somehow managed to feel like the perfect final insult from 2021. I had no holiday spirit left whatsoever. Honestly, I felt emotionally exhausted to the point of emptiness.
What else could this ridiculous year possibly throw at us?
As we approached the final intersection near Lucie’s place, I heard Alexandre calmly tell Nesrine to turn left. Without hesitation, the car immediately began rolling into the intersection. Now, as I have admitted multiple times throughout this blog series, I am hardly some superior driver myself. Yet even from the back seat, my instinct immediately made me glance forward toward oncoming traffic. And there was definitely traffic coming.
I reacted with the most bizarrely calm and almost amused tone imaginable, slowly muttering “Waaatch ooout…”, intentionally dragging out the words as though I were already watching the inevitable unfold in slow motion. A fraction of a second later, Alexandre’s eyes snapped forward and he shouted: “Attention!”… but it was too late.
A violent bang erupted through the cabin followed immediately by an immense jolt. And all I did was sigh. Not shock, nor fear… not even surprise. Just pure exhausted disbelief at the seemingly endless stream of absurdity that had become 2021.
Collision Day
Our vehicle spun sideways across the street and came to rest nearly perpendicular to the road. The windshield cracked. The airbags had exploded outward and were now plastered awkwardly against the faces of the two motionless figures sitting in front of me. My own back ached sharply from the force of the seatbelt, but otherwise I was completely fine. The seatbelt prevented me from smashing my head directly into the seat ahead.
What surprised me most, strangely enough, was the dust. The entire cabin was filled with it. I genuinely wondered where all this dust had suddenly come from — poor housekeeping? I later realized it was residue from the airbags deploying. Apparently that was normal. The more you know.
With a mixture of mild irritation and dark humor, I groaned: “Anyone else still alive?” A few seconds later, both Alexandre and Nesrine began moving and responding. Thankfully, neither of them appeared seriously injured. Nesrine had a bloodied lip or nose, while Alexandre described feeling hazy and disoriented afterward for several days. Looking back, we later suspected he may have suffered a mild concussion from the airbag impact, though he never actually got himself checked.
And then my priorities immediately shifted toward something far more important. The moussaka. I rushed to check whether it had survived the collision. Thankfully, it had. In fact, it tasted excellent later that evening. I would eventually joke that the secret ingredient had been a violent collision to properly mix the layers together.
Looking back, my reaction to the accident was genuinely strange. The adrenaline certainly kicked in hard, but instead of fear, I mostly felt detached amusement mixed with exhaustion. It was almost as though my brain had simply become too burnt out to process yet another disaster normally.
Eventually, emergency services arrived. The vehicles were moved aside, insurance information was exchanged, and Nesrine was offered transportation to the hospital as a precaution. And then, somehow, Alexandre and I continued onward to Lucie’s Christmas dinner. What a story we had to tell upon arrival.
From that point onward, December 24th unofficially became known between Alexandre and me as: Collision Day.
Diverging Paths
For the final weeks of the year, I hunkered down in my apartment. After the events of Collision Day, it genuinely felt as though that year, or perhaps that place itself, had it in for us. Me, Alexandre, or both. I didn’t feel like tempting fate any further and having a piano or an anvil dropped on my head while walking outside.
As 2021 came to a close, it brought with it the end of another chapter of my life. The end of my academic chapter. Not the finale I had envisioned when I left for Canada, but rather an unfortunate ending forced by unforeseen and extreme circumstances. Whatever the future held, 2022 was going to usher in major changes for both Alexandre and myself, that much was certain. This was where our shared path finally diverged for good.
In January, Alexandre was making his final preparations to leave Canada and return to France. He planned to ship most of his furniture and belongings via container, which meant transporting everything to a shipping company in Montreal. I had little else to do during that period, so I offered to help. Not just with loading the rental vehicle, but by accompanying him on the long round-trip drives as well.
Thus began our final Canadian adventure together. The frozen winter road trips to and from Montreal.
A Slippery Slope
Alexandre had hoped to rent a decent-sized van, but the best vehicle the rental company could offer him at the time was a Dodge Durango SUV. A great car no doubt, but not nearly spacious enough to fit everything. We packed it as tightly as possible, though it quickly became obvious he would need to make the trip twice.
He didn’t really expect me to offer to tag along the first time, let alone the second. But as I told him, it wasn’t like I had anything better to do. Besides, I could always use the change of scenery. So off we drove toward Montreal on a chilly winter morning. Endless conversation and music filled the hours. In many ways, the trip felt like a quiet homage to our summer road adventures through northern Quebec over a year earlier.
The roads remained relatively clear until we entered the Laurentides Wildlife Reserve. There, fresh snowstorms and frost had reclaimed sections of the highway. Alexandre occasionally remarked that parts of the road felt slippery, though he also commented on how stable the SUV handled despite the conditions. I barely noticed anything myself. It was the sort of subtle loss of traction only the driver paying close attention would detect. Then came the descent.
We were driving down a long, steeper stretch of highway when the car suddenly began slipping. Apparently, my guy had been going a little too fast for the icy conditions. Under normal circumstances it would have been fine, but this time the road had other ideas. I felt it immediately.
The vehicle started swerving violently. Alexandre instinctively tried to reduce speed, but that only made things worse. The SUV fishtailed across the highway — ninety degrees right, one eighty back left, then fully spinning around. Fortunately, there were no other cars nearby, giving us two entire lanes to skid across uncontested.
For what felt like the longest ten seconds of my life, we became passengers inside a giant metal hockey puck. Eventually, the vehicle came to a stop with its rear corner buried in a snowbank.
A semi-truck driver who had witnessed the entire spectacle pulled over to check if we were alright. We were fine. Just another absurd little joyride added to our ever-growing list of near-disasters. Even the SUV survived mostly unscathed. The bumper had partially popped loose, but we easily snapped it back into place. The soft snow and reduced speed from all the swerving had spared us from anything worse.
My Second Glimpse of Montreal
From that moment onward, Alexandre stuck rigidly to the speed limit and remained hyper-alert for any additional icy sections. Eventually, we reached Montreal and unloaded everything in good time. Afterward, we even took a short drive around parts of the city. Alexandre wanted to show me some of the nicer neighborhoods around Mount Royal Park.
Unfortunately, by then it was already dark outside, so I couldn’t see much beyond glowing city lights and silhouettes of buildings. Yet even that was enough to make me smile while fantasizing about potentially living in this vibrant city one day.
When we were finally ready to head back, I pulled out my phone to help navigate through Montreal traffic. The city’s road network was chaotic compared to anything we were used to. Odd intersections, aggressive drivers, questionable lane changes — the full metropolitan experience.
The navigation app selected a southern route out of the city instead of the northern approach we had used earlier. We followed along while I remained glued to the screen. At some point, we began slowly climbing what felt like an endless elevated traffic ramp. I paid little attention at first until I suddenly realized we were now higher than many of the surrounding buildings. That was when I finally looked up and thought: Where the hell are we going? The high heavens?
An unfamiliar series of overhead electric signs displaying red crosses and green arrows stretched out above the lanes. Everything looked strange and surreal in the darkness. Then, slowly, the massive metal framework surrounding us finally became visible. We were crossing the Jacques Cartier Bridge over the Saint Laurent River.
I have to admit, that was one hell of a reveal. The rest of the drive back unfolded uneventfully.
Epilogue
Two days later, we were packing again. This time the rental company gave Alexandre a minivan instead of an SUV. Slightly more spacious, though noticeably less stable on winter roads. At least we managed to fit the remaining belongings inside.
No more dramatic slides this time around. After our previous incident, Alexandre no longer trusted the roads, the weather, or the car for that matter. He drove cautiously the entire way. Another long, tiring drive to Montreal followed. By then we were mostly recycling old conversation topics. The whole trip felt like the epilogue to our shared story.
Because of his more cautious driving pace, we ended up stuck behind a large truck for a significant portion of the highway. The constant spray of dirt and slush onto the windshield, combined with freezing temperatures, forced Alexandre to use most of the windshield washer fluid before we even reached Montreal.
This time we wasted no extra hours sightseeing after unloading. He was exhausted and still had another long drive to Montreal Airport waiting for him the following day.
One Last Near Miss
Before leaving Montreal, we desperately needed to refill the windshield washer fluid. However, Alexandre wanted to first escape the heavier city traffic before stopping. So we continued onward while I searched for nearby gas stations along the route out of town.
The washer fluid was nearly depleted, and the dirty highway conditions demanded constant use. At one point, Alexandre casually said: “Man… it’s getting pretty bad.” I lifted my eyes from the phone screen and was greeted by a completely opaque windshield covered in grime. Holy shit.
You could barely see anything anymore, and we were still barreling down the highway at roughly eighty kilometers per hour surrounded by traffic. Alexandre nervously laughed and claimed he could “still sort of see through the grains.”
Okay. This was getting ridiculous. We immediately took the next exit and slowly navigated our way toward the nearest service station. Another comical disaster narrowly avoided.
Parting Ways
The rest of the return trip became a bit of a grind. The weather worsened considerably and near Quebec City we drove straight into an ice storm that coated the roads with fresh black ice.
Conditions improved slightly once we re-entered the Laurentides Wildlife Reserve where colder temperatures meant more snow and less ice. Even so, Alexandre drove slowly and cautiously the entire remaining distance, despite knowing it meant arriving late at night and barely sleeping before his departure the next morning.
I still remember fragments of our final stop together at a convenience store where he bought a few remaining travel essentials. The poor guy looked completely exhausted. Mentally and physically drained. I embraced him farewell and wished him the best. Most importantly, I wished for him not to get himself killed during this final push.
After everything we had endured together, I hoped we would meet again someday. I didn’t know when. I didn’t know where. But for the kind of friendship forged through mutual struggle and shared hardship, I was certain this would not be the last time we saw each other.
Rolling Credits
After Alexandre’s departure, things became even quieter for me.
Nothing more to do at the university. No one left to complain with about life in Saguenay. No immediate pressure, nor any concrete adventure waiting ahead. Just the quiet credits rolling at the end of a long, chaotic film.
If I were to choose a post-credit scene, it would probably be the day I finally received my MSc diploma from UQAC sometime in early February.
No graduation party with hats like after my Bachelor’s degree. No emotional celebration between friends, colleagues, and professors like when I graduated from my first Master’s in Copenhagen. Just a quiet piece of paper delivered remotely. This was the very piece of paper I had fought tooth and nail for throughout the previous year. Seemingly insignificant, yet absolutely crucial for what needed to come next.
I wasted no time. The moment my graduation documents arrived, I immediately submitted my application for a post-graduation work permit to the Canadian government. It was time to change course and begin the next major chapter of my life in this vast country.
The ultimate goal remained unchanged: to find stability.
To find a place I could finally, permanently call… home.
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Odyssian
An adventurous soul in a never ending quest to find home.
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